July 18, 2017 - approx 2 months until I departure this city I've known as home for one year - to venture into a land where anything and everything is possible. Moreover, to step foot into someone one else's company where I won't have the luxury of being called boss or calling all the shots - for the first time in 7 years........ I would have to wake up every morning at 7am, bare the morning subway crowds, be at the office at 9am, be subjected to "performance appraisals", listen to probably less than intelligent people pretend to intelligent and have to pretend that I agree with them plus engage in broken English/Chinese conversations probably all day long with people who want me to bring my cultural and marketing expertise to help them grow THEIR business.
I sound so unthankful and bitter at the opportunity that Frank has given to me because I am SO proud of where I stand today and it's all self-driven. It upsets me to think that I have to make this move as a result of giving in to "reality" of a sub-industry that is "slowing down" and the fact that "my dreams" won't pay the damn fucking mortgage bill.
But on the other hand, I think I'm just downright AFRAID......... of all the changes I have to face, of being away from everything that I am familiar with. My fear is so great that it is clouding my ability to think positive and to even remember WHY i decided to make the decision to risk what I have built for unknown things in the future. I think I just charged at the idea without even IMAGINING what it's ACTUALLY going to be like.... I think I just chose to ignore the fact that I can't stand being alone because I am emotionally retarded....
but now ... it's all too late.
